How to overcome perfectionism

How to Let Go of Perfectionism

Despite society’s consistent messaging otherwise, no one is living a “perfect” life. However, there are people thriving and handling life’s highs and lows with a heavy dose of resilience and grace by their side. Their lives are not “perfect” but they are indeed living their best lives. Then there are those who are striving for perfectionism. They are seeking the impossible and in doing so, they are stuck in a cycle of self-sabotage.

Although “perfect” is merely a word, your mind assigns it meaning and that’s where the trouble begins. It’s the wiring of the mind and its expectations that trips up the perfectionist.

The good news is, perfectionists have a mad load of skills that if turned down from, say, an 11 to a nice, easy 5, they can be well on their way to their best lives. 🥳

Should I stay or should I go?

Perfection keeps us stuck in a chronic loop 🔁 of indecision where every decision is potentially harrowing, in an up-all-night, nail-bitingly impossible way. Which task to start? Should I quit my dead-end job? Should I find a job? Who to settle down with? Settle down?!?! . . . how can I even go on a first date when I don’t have the perfect haircut/dress/shoes/number on the scale? Perfection is really effective at keeping us stuck. It’s not only exhausting to agonize over the “perfect” decision and focused on the “right” outcome, but any opportunities for growth or ease fly out the window.

Progress not perfection

😈 The darker side of perfectionistic control keeps us frozen. Unchecked, a perfectionist can become terrified of making any (aka “potentially wrong”) decision. This can lead to a whole slew of phobias and stagnation. And what I witness over and over in clients is how the fear of imperfection fuels flames of procrastination. Procrastination, as you know, keeps us wheels-spinning-in-the-mud level of stuck. It robs us from living the perfectly imperfect life we deserve (and we do deserve it!).

The magic of flow.

⛽️ If you’ve ever gotten lost on a road trip or run out of gas* and ended up eating the best meal of your life in some random little diner at the end of a road with or taking a detour that leads to a stunningly, unimaginably beautiful view, you’ll know how those “missteps” in life are the ones that often bring us the most joy.

How many people have met the loves of their lives only after unspeakable heartbreak? How many interesting careers have been launched because of being fired, being rejected by a so called “dream job”? How many great meals have been savored because of necessary improvisation far off the original recipe? The perfectionist mind may know these things happen all the time to everyone else, but is convinced they are the unique exception to the rule.

Becoming Perfectly Imperfect

Of course, there’s a time and place for being organized and following a schedule, but there’s also a time to relax, to create, to check in with your spiritual self and your sense of play. 🧖‍♀️ 

You don’t have to throw the baby out with the bathwater or worry you’ll lose your identity when you tone down your perfectionistic traits. Things that are still important to you, for example, a clean kitchen or a regular exercise routine, can continue to be a priority. It’s just that you will now clean your kitchen (or get in your daily steps) as an act of self-love, instead of in a strict, anxious way.

⚡️ You’ll focus your energy on being kind to yourself (and others) while also taking responsibility for your own happiness without punishing yourself. You can remind yourself you are human and sometimes other things get in the way of our plans and often times those things are more fleeting, more beautiful, and more precious than the plans we thought we needed to follow.

Lowering expectations doesn’t mean settling for less

⚖️ Perfectionism comes with some positive side effects that you can continue to use in the right time and place. For example, you’re probably pretty punctual, organized, and detail-oriented. These are great attributes at work and planning projects, and following through on tasks.

But you don’t need those “skills” when it comes to relationships with others and yourself. Aside from overcoming procrastination, improving relationships and intimacy is one of the top reasons people want to learn to cope with perfectionism. It’s a lot more fun to have fun with someone who isn’t constantly criticizing and judging themselves and others. It’s a whole lot more fun for everyone when the focus is on enjoying the present instead of striving for the impossible.

The Subconscious Holds the Key

🔐 As I say often, you are your best antidote: The power you need to get unstuck is within you. Your perfectionism is directly related to the perceptions in your subconscious. And this is where the change you need—to relax, be more neutral, and more flexible—needs to happen.

If you’re looking for more information on how subconscious work can help push you out of the mud and onto the road to joy, check out my blog Subconscious 101: What You Need to Know.  🛣️

If you’re ready to take control and turn your perfectionism into useful, productive tools, I invite you to end the procrastination cycle by booking a discovery call today.